I fall in love constantly.
In my youthful youth, I had a friend that was always falling in love with different women. It was one of the qualities I adored about him – his capacity to be entranced, excited and thrilled by variety, nuance and gorgeousness . Of course, now that I am a woman of a certain age, I mostly fall in love with children and animals (believe that, and you’ll believe anything! :))
Really, I do fall in love with children and animals, but I also fall in love with men, woman, spaces, places, gadgets, stones and, regularly, my husband. I fall in love with moments, lines in a book, songs, smells and certain looks. I just love falling in love, I want to bottle the feeling and keep it as a tonic.
I’m delighted by the fact that some mornings of the week I awake next to my great bear of a cuddle-man and then, quite randomly and suddenly, I awake to a pulsating exciting feeling. There, in the same spot next to me is a totally enthralling and delicious being that zings my blood, enlivens my hair follicles and sends me on my way in a completely different spirit.
And I’m not talking about sex (believe that…etc etc.) No, really, this posting is not about sex (.…or is it? Perhaps its about holistic sex? Anyway, I digress.)
I’m trying to work out if its hormones, biorhythms, zodiac signs, nutrition or plain stir craziness. I have decided its perfect crazy bliss wisdom and a lot to do with attitude. What better way to dance through life? What savings on vitamins and energy drinks!
Now, if I can just work out how to bottle this good attitude, I’ll have discovered the fountain of youth! Two teaspoons attitude, one teaspoon falling-in-love. Shake and stir!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
the a-z of relationships
If we know that the only person we ever need to unravel, unveil and de-clutter is our own sweet spirited self, how come we spend so much time on others?
Hand-crafting another into our ideal specimen, or changing someone else’s ways, may have forced something for a while. However, unless we inspired a genuine shift of the other persons own making, chances are that since the Big Reshaping Project they have moved on; we got bored; or that old chestnut has come up yet again (as we impatiently sigh: “I can’t believe we’re here again. I really thought we’d got over this!”)
Ah yes, the foolishness of folly.
No-one will be content with another until they are content in themselves. And then, once content, no matter what the other does, contentment will still dominate. It’s the nature of things.
If s/he bugs you, move on. If s/he bugs you, stay. What difference does it make when you get to the bottom line? You will still be you, with all your yearnings, cravings and desires.
So, dragon advice is as follows:
1) Deal with your issues, clear your windscreen, weed your garden, eat your cheese. (You know you have no business wondering what that person over there should do to make you happy, comfortable or in any way more satisfied. That is not their job, it’s yours!)
2) Take responsibility for your own sweet arse and then sit it down where you feel most comfortable.
3) Appreciate the people who showed you what you needed to do to get comfortable.
4) Sigh in contentment.
End of story.
Such is the joy of relationship :)
Hand-crafting another into our ideal specimen, or changing someone else’s ways, may have forced something for a while. However, unless we inspired a genuine shift of the other persons own making, chances are that since the Big Reshaping Project they have moved on; we got bored; or that old chestnut has come up yet again (as we impatiently sigh: “I can’t believe we’re here again. I really thought we’d got over this!”)
Ah yes, the foolishness of folly.
No-one will be content with another until they are content in themselves. And then, once content, no matter what the other does, contentment will still dominate. It’s the nature of things.
If s/he bugs you, move on. If s/he bugs you, stay. What difference does it make when you get to the bottom line? You will still be you, with all your yearnings, cravings and desires.
So, dragon advice is as follows:
1) Deal with your issues, clear your windscreen, weed your garden, eat your cheese. (You know you have no business wondering what that person over there should do to make you happy, comfortable or in any way more satisfied. That is not their job, it’s yours!)
2) Take responsibility for your own sweet arse and then sit it down where you feel most comfortable.
3) Appreciate the people who showed you what you needed to do to get comfortable.
4) Sigh in contentment.
End of story.
Such is the joy of relationship :)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
fok voort
To those of you that find this title disturbing, I make no apology. Sometimes you can only say it one way. To those of you who do not know what it means, it means: Ever onward with much gusto, little doubt and lashings of fortitude!
I have to say that Goddess Say-it-like-it-is came up with this little phrase as the only expression for all situations that may currently befall us. I like it. She and I have found that being little Fokkers gets us through life's challenges with plenty of humour to spare. Naturally it raises some eyebrows, but what can I say - fok voort!
Perhaps it is Wimpy coffee and the red vinyl seats in the morning sunshine? Whatever. (The sublime comfort of this particular caffeinated experience has long kept me going through the coffee-snob's desert that is currently home.) Sitting on said vinyl, many a cackling conversation has brightened my day. Say-it-like-it-is and others have ensured that I roll out of there on a weekly basis, having solved the worlds issues - at least until next time - and feeling like anything and everything can happen.
I suppose this brings me to one of life's greatest pleasures: friends. If I think of all the people that have sat their bums down with me and shared a yarn, a giggle or a cry, my heart opens with the wealth of it all. Some of these treasured gems are no longer part of my daily reality, but every one is precious. I can conjure up a moment shared and feast on it (and regularly do!)
So, friends, - remember this: when the going gets tough, just fok voort, because its only those that do, that are still here when the sun comes up.
Amen, Awomen and so say we.
I have to say that Goddess Say-it-like-it-is came up with this little phrase as the only expression for all situations that may currently befall us. I like it. She and I have found that being little Fokkers gets us through life's challenges with plenty of humour to spare. Naturally it raises some eyebrows, but what can I say - fok voort!
Perhaps it is Wimpy coffee and the red vinyl seats in the morning sunshine? Whatever. (The sublime comfort of this particular caffeinated experience has long kept me going through the coffee-snob's desert that is currently home.) Sitting on said vinyl, many a cackling conversation has brightened my day. Say-it-like-it-is and others have ensured that I roll out of there on a weekly basis, having solved the worlds issues - at least until next time - and feeling like anything and everything can happen.
I suppose this brings me to one of life's greatest pleasures: friends. If I think of all the people that have sat their bums down with me and shared a yarn, a giggle or a cry, my heart opens with the wealth of it all. Some of these treasured gems are no longer part of my daily reality, but every one is precious. I can conjure up a moment shared and feast on it (and regularly do!)
So, friends, - remember this: when the going gets tough, just fok voort, because its only those that do, that are still here when the sun comes up.
Amen, Awomen and so say we.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
so what was the question?
I have a friend who functions at the speed of light. Quick witted, lively, he and I sometimes spend intense moments in some sub-space of verbal speeding. My version of a joy ride!
His questions come fast. Multiple layers, multiple realities. What do I think of this? How about that? What does it mean if…? Do I ever think …? What do I feel? They spill so fast that they overlap the answers and become more questions before they complete.
I know this passion. I know this intensity. These questions have long held similar fire for me. But I can’t answer. The woman-with-an-opinion-on-everything is blank, thoughtful: I don’t know. I feel an almost serene openness to anything and recognition that “yes, that was once a button of mine”.
Someone is asking me my questions and I have forgotten to remember the answers! :)
I am quiet inside, unperturbed, strangely content - even as I watch a world dance around me. Once I would have judged my seeming apathy as hell, now it seems like quiet heaven. I realise I’m observing myself on this fast-paced hurtle through life and I am strangely still.
Is this the result of the great purging of our fire? Is this some instant maturity (just add ash)? I feel aged, wizened – who have I become? What do I think and feel? And… does it matter? The fire is in my heart, but the flames have gone...
Anyway, for now, Phoenix is at peace.
His questions come fast. Multiple layers, multiple realities. What do I think of this? How about that? What does it mean if…? Do I ever think …? What do I feel? They spill so fast that they overlap the answers and become more questions before they complete.
I know this passion. I know this intensity. These questions have long held similar fire for me. But I can’t answer. The woman-with-an-opinion-on-everything is blank, thoughtful: I don’t know. I feel an almost serene openness to anything and recognition that “yes, that was once a button of mine”.
Someone is asking me my questions and I have forgotten to remember the answers! :)
I am quiet inside, unperturbed, strangely content - even as I watch a world dance around me. Once I would have judged my seeming apathy as hell, now it seems like quiet heaven. I realise I’m observing myself on this fast-paced hurtle through life and I am strangely still.
Is this the result of the great purging of our fire? Is this some instant maturity (just add ash)? I feel aged, wizened – who have I become? What do I think and feel? And… does it matter? The fire is in my heart, but the flames have gone...
Anyway, for now, Phoenix is at peace.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
elephant in the bedroom
Relationships are a hot topic lately – something to do with our own inner Africa, I suppose. We’re all a-twitter about independence, autonomy and getting rid of old dictatorships!
Anyway, in the course of a conversation, a friend mentioned a wisdom from a book she was reading – ninety percent of a relationship is good and the other ten percent is like an elephant in the bedroom.
I nodded enthusiastically at this idea, until she explained that the ten percent would apparently cause the breakdown of the relationship. I stopped nodding.
Ten percent? That’s not democracy!
There I was, loving the idea of the elephant in the bedroom. (She was our special elephant, standing there in the corner representing truth, wisdom and matriarchal power; our long term communal spirit that could walk miles to find us water and clear all the dead wood on the way!)
No. There and then I decided: I am standing up for my elephant! I am going to celebrate her for still being there in our bedroom. I mean, I know they can be a bit of a bugger, and at first we all want to tempt them out into the garden. But sooner or later, I suspect that most long-term relation-shippers may come to realise that elephants won’t budge till they want to.
Perhaps this is when we start to throw our clothes on her; she becomes a good place for the wet towels that used to be dropped on the empty floor. Finally you get sick of the mess and re-arrange the furniture with an elephant as part of the décor.
Of course, conventional wisdom suggests that this is when you bale out, but I don’t know… I realise I am hardly conventional wisdom, but I like the challenges that this elephant has presented me. It is she that taught me that I am not the only Starship captain on this relationship enterprise. She taught me patience, forgiveness, acceptance. She is even taking me through the sacred art of unconditional love. As you can imagine, by now she is looking so hot I am almost ready to move her into the middle of the bedroom – I just don’t know what to do with the bed!
She is currently all Hindi: ear tassels, bindi’s across her forehead and passionate, paisley patterns colourfully painted on her trunk. She has a silk throw over her back, with gold tassels that move as she walks. She is such a gorgeous elephant I want to take her with me when I go out!
And the best bit is: I love having her in our room, even when she’s annoying. She reminds me daily that this relationship is a gift, not a given and I remember to live in the moment and love what I have.
Ten percent? It’s the difference between space and togetherness!
Anyway, in the course of a conversation, a friend mentioned a wisdom from a book she was reading – ninety percent of a relationship is good and the other ten percent is like an elephant in the bedroom.
I nodded enthusiastically at this idea, until she explained that the ten percent would apparently cause the breakdown of the relationship. I stopped nodding.
Ten percent? That’s not democracy!
There I was, loving the idea of the elephant in the bedroom. (She was our special elephant, standing there in the corner representing truth, wisdom and matriarchal power; our long term communal spirit that could walk miles to find us water and clear all the dead wood on the way!)
No. There and then I decided: I am standing up for my elephant! I am going to celebrate her for still being there in our bedroom. I mean, I know they can be a bit of a bugger, and at first we all want to tempt them out into the garden. But sooner or later, I suspect that most long-term relation-shippers may come to realise that elephants won’t budge till they want to.
Perhaps this is when we start to throw our clothes on her; she becomes a good place for the wet towels that used to be dropped on the empty floor. Finally you get sick of the mess and re-arrange the furniture with an elephant as part of the décor.
Of course, conventional wisdom suggests that this is when you bale out, but I don’t know… I realise I am hardly conventional wisdom, but I like the challenges that this elephant has presented me. It is she that taught me that I am not the only Starship captain on this relationship enterprise. She taught me patience, forgiveness, acceptance. She is even taking me through the sacred art of unconditional love. As you can imagine, by now she is looking so hot I am almost ready to move her into the middle of the bedroom – I just don’t know what to do with the bed!
She is currently all Hindi: ear tassels, bindi’s across her forehead and passionate, paisley patterns colourfully painted on her trunk. She has a silk throw over her back, with gold tassels that move as she walks. She is such a gorgeous elephant I want to take her with me when I go out!
And the best bit is: I love having her in our room, even when she’s annoying. She reminds me daily that this relationship is a gift, not a given and I remember to live in the moment and love what I have.
Ten percent? It’s the difference between space and togetherness!
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