elephant in the bedroom

Relationships are a hot topic lately – something to do with our own inner Africa, I suppose. We’re all a-twitter about independence, autonomy and getting rid of old dictatorships!

Anyway, in the course of a conversation, a friend mentioned a wisdom from a book she was reading – ninety percent of a relationship is good and the other ten percent is like an elephant in the bedroom.

I nodded enthusiastically at this idea, until she explained that the ten percent would apparently cause the breakdown of the relationship. I stopped nodding.

Ten percent? That’s not democracy!

There I was, loving the idea of the elephant in the bedroom. (She was our special elephant, standing there in the corner representing truth, wisdom and matriarchal power; our long term communal spirit that could walk miles to find us water and clear all the dead wood on the way!)

No. There and then I decided: I am standing up for my elephant! I am going to celebrate her for still being there in our bedroom. I mean, I know they can be a bit of a bugger, and at first we all want to tempt them out into the garden. But sooner or later, I suspect that most long-term relation-shippers may come to realise that elephants won’t budge till they want to.

Perhaps this is when we start to throw our clothes on her; she becomes a good place for the wet towels that used to be dropped on the empty floor. Finally you get sick of the mess and re-arrange the furniture with an elephant as part of the décor.

Of course, conventional wisdom suggests that this is when you bale out, but I don’t know… I realise I am hardly conventional wisdom, but I like the challenges that this elephant has presented me. It is she that taught me that I am not the only Starship captain on this relationship enterprise. She taught me patience, forgiveness, acceptance. She is even taking me through the sacred art of unconditional love. As you can imagine, by now she is looking so hot I am almost ready to move her into the middle of the bedroom – I just don’t know what to do with the bed!

She is currently all Hindi: ear tassels, bindi’s across her forehead and passionate, paisley patterns colourfully painted on her trunk. She has a silk throw over her back, with gold tassels that move as she walks. She is such a gorgeous elephant I want to take her with me when I go out!

And the best bit is: I love having her in our room, even when she’s annoying. She reminds me daily that this relationship is a gift, not a given and I remember to live in the moment and love what I have.

Ten percent? It’s the difference between space and togetherness!