I am that I am

When Moses was confronted by a burning bush and told to get his people and go to the promised land, he apparently asked in whose name he should do this and was told: I am that I am.

Me too.

Since the day I left our farm, I keep having “burning bush” popping into my head. Finally, after a rather hectic day of justifying myself in languages that are not my own (ie: insurance, financial, legalese, Afrikaans etc) I lay on my bed with a picture of flames behind my eyes and the analogy hammering away. This is when I came to the idea of the Promised Land and started to wonder about the pristine ozone effervescence that I can see, feel, taste as my future.

I also came to the realisation that a girl like me is gonna miss those reference books that now lie in rows of talcum-white ash. Luckily I have a mum and she is now my official Bible reference. She told me about I am that I am and it just fits! I am that I am. The Whys and Wherefores and Incredibly Logical Discussions about strategies for our future fall away. I am that I am and here I am now. End of story.

I am aware that the message I get out of the story is purely mine. For me, it reminds me that there is no logic for the pure passion of inspiration and focus. It reminds me to follow my call to my Promised Land, without trying to fit it into a name that others can get.

The contorted logic of trying to puzzle our past life into columns has been consuming our time and explaining everything gets totally convoluted. How come I don’t care if someone steals the remaining scrap metal on our land? How can a bush woman shaman have a wardrobe worth so much? If we could hardly run our cars, why did we have a Pierneef and Loubser? And why the hell was that Baccarat paperweight not locked into a safe with double security bars? Jeez!

I don’t know what we shall do and I don’t know what will happen. I only know that I have a very pure, strong feeling and this is what I hold sacred. It is my message from my fire and it is what I shall seek out. It will lead me, pull me, urge me into my new life and I shall gladly follow.

And, if anyone asks me for a reason as to why I take a step this way or that, I shall smile calmly and say, you guessed it:
Fuck off!

Haha – only joking.

I am that I am.